everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
