i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
