We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
