is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it glows. i had to have it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
