i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We got so high we made milksteak
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize