just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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