im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The uberlube is also flammable
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
