I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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