There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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