You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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