i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i believe in u and ur pee
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
