you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
