there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
