you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
