She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
