Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Fuck appropriateness.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
