I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
