u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
