im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I want is dick and wine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
