things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
