do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
