So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize