marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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