My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
