I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
