i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
