Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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