Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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