The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
These tits shall not be calmed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
