I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
