Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize