Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i think my cat just said my name.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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