explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
