does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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