if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
