I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh god it's open bar.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
