i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
