Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
