He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
