even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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