Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
