That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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