I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
