you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So vagazzling was a success
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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