i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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