I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
whose parrot is this?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
