Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
