i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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