This is not my ceiling
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
