No subtext here. People are naked.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
