i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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