So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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