Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
