beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
