she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
