Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She even gives head with a lisp.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And then he peed in my hair
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