My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize