I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize