At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
