You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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