U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so much tequila, so little girl.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
