We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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