the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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