Dual....:-)
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
