My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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