Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
