Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
