I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
