I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
