so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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