My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
