North Korea, Best Korea!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
