Swine flu. Run for my life!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
