please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
