hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
