a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
