At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize