Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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